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Three Effective Tips To Help You And Your Children Transition And Recover From A Divorce

Divorce is hard for everyone, especially young children. They are too young to understand the concept of divorce, so during this time it is crucial that both you and your spouse work together to help them through this difficult time. Before you announce your divorce to your children, it is important to sit down with your partner to set up a game plan. Below is a list of healthy practices that you and your partner can both use in order to make this transition easier on your children.

Don't Add Pressure

Often times when spouses go through a divorce, they will turn to their children for extra support. This is the wrong way to handle the situation. A child is not as understanding or emotional resilient as adults are, so they cannot deal with the added pressures of having to be a support system for you. You will need a support system to get through this, but your children are not the people to turn to. This only adds stress on them and will leave them feeling like they should be taking sides.

Instead of turning to your children, you can:

  • Keep a journal

  • Avoid treating children like they are your therapist

  • Find close friends to lean on

  • Give yourself alone time

The tips listed above will also be good for your children. Encourage them to keep a journal to vent any frustrations they may be having. If they are in need of a little alone time, it is healthy to give it to them. Let your children know that they can go to you or your spouse with any feelings they are experiencing.

Resolve Issues Between You And Your Spouse

If you have any issues that are unresolved between you and your spouse it will only make the transition harder for your children. When issues arise, communicate with your ex in a very calm and productive manner. Children didn't need to see you two fight then and they certainly don't need to see or hear it now. Resolving any issues effectively may mean that you have to swallow your pride and let your anger go. This will be in the best interest of your child. Remember that you and your spouse still have one common goal and that is the emotional well-being of your children.

Some of the best ways to resolve issues between you and your spouse are to:

  • Reestablish a line of communication and trust between you and your soon-to-be- ex

  • Commit to resolving conflicts before they arise

  • Work through anger together

If none of the above tips seem to be working, it will be beneficial to you and your family to contact a mediator to help.

Establish Normalcy

You need to remember that during a divorce your child's life is flipped upside down. It is important to establish a sense of normalcy as soon as possible. If your child doesn't know what to expect from one minute to the next, this will only make the situation harder by adding stress that doesn't need to be there. You and your spouse need to work together to establish a schedule and a consistent set of rules between the two households.

  • Keep open communication between you and your spouse during the divorce for effective parenting

  • Communicate what both you and your spouse expect from your child's behavior and any disciplinary actions.

  • Always communicate with your child and build trust with them

If your divorce is scary and heartbreaking for you, think about how it must be for your child. They do not have the proper tools to emotionally deal with a divorce as you do. Knowing how to help your child through this process will make the transition easier on them and on you. Contact a family lawyer for more potentially helpful tips.